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Author Topic: Investigation into Wien incident continues...
Herr Flick of the Gestapo
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posted 11-01-1999 04:40 AM     Profile for Herr Flick of the Gestapo   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post
The Producers would like to welcome you to this week's continuing Serial Misadventures of the EAW Intelligence Community. Although this is an oxymoron we hope you enjoy the show. Cue dramatic musik...

------
The Scene: Vienna
Exit Manhole: Herr Flick of the Gestapo comes out of a strategically placed manhole somewhere in the dark corners of Vienna. Dressed as always in trademark black leather trenchcoat and fedora...
------

Ach Himmel, zat vas eine closenkall mit den bomben und Crocodile. Now Ich habe returned to get to sie bottoms of ziz interestinink case. Mit orders in hand from Admiral Canaris, Ich vill probe these mysterious happeninks und find ze anzwers. Sie trut ist auf zere!

Cue Der SD-Files Musik...Danke.

Ven ve last heard from Wien it vill be known zat Herr Rommel vas almost azzazzinated by persons unknown. However, mit new und amzink investagatorial techniches, ve will...'Allo 'Allo...Vas ist zis...

Herr Flick bends down and picks up a RAF medal laying in the alley. He ponders...

Ahah! Eine clue mit very interestink ramificazions! Calling all Investakators, sie game ist aufooten!!

Will Herr Flick manage to locate Buckmaster of *** , Inspector Catchemfaster of Scotland yard and Admiral Canaris who is now working for the SD? what is the signifigance of the medal?? Who hired the crocodile from Scene 39 in the first place??? For answers to all these questions and more stay tuned dear viewer! Same Jagd time...Same Jagd channel!


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Buckmaster
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posted 11-01-1999 05:22 AM     Profile for Buckmaster   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post
Maurice Buckmaster, the victim of a journey on the back of a bicycle, dressed as a chicken, followed by a journey in a cattle car, dressed as a cow and accompanied by a real bull, and having had no rest in Vienna with an highly explosive an unsolved case behind him, followed by the hectic journey in the C47, which has just ended with him ending up in this snow drift on the side of the Paris/Reims railway line, understandably, has passed out.

The Train engineer, thoroughly winded, comes to his senses after a couple of minutes, and alerted by the "fresh" smell of the pair of feet sticking out of the snow next to him, starts digging.

He finally manages to extract Buckmaster, and after going through his pockets, and finding nothing, takes a good look at the clothes- Hmmmm-- Tweed and flannels, with labels saying "Berlinisher Wall Mart" and "Munchener Harrods" could only mean a Britscher spy.

As luck would have it, the train driver is a member of the French underground, and promptly drags (as far as it is possible to "promptly drag" a overweight middle-aged man through slippery snow)- to a nearby clump of bushes and goes off to try and contact the Reims resistance cell.

------------

A day later: Maurice has recovered somewhat, but has a big dilemma- "How to get home?" he thinks- he has used the last of his contacts- and dare not expose any of the resistance cells to danger- suddenly he remembers- 'Ahh- that chap Flick of the Gestapo- we used to work together before the war, and he seemed quite helpful in Vienna- maybe, just maybe I can try the old contact for some help??
-------------

Later that day we see a small ad in the Reims advertiser " With a FLICK and some FLAK we are again ready to ATTACK, Marie needs to talk, leave the frequency and listen out, for old times sake- "


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Herr Flick of the Gestapo
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posted 11-01-1999 05:50 AM     Profile for Herr Flick of the Gestapo   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post
------
The Scene: Herr Flick's stylish office-slash-flat at 21B BocheStrasse, Paris, 2 mornings after returning from Vienna on the wing of a "borrowed" He-51 trainer. Interior shot, dim lighting, Mozart playing in the background.

Enter Stage Right: Herr Flick, still carrying the RAF medal found at the scene of the Urology Clinc Caper wanders in, wearing his red silk jammies and carrying a stuffed Paddington Bear...
-------

Ahhh gut to be gettink out of zat ratty alt trenchcoat Ja Paddy? Ja. Und 'Helga' ist still sleepink. Vhat ist Flick to do...

Idly Herr Flick thumbs through his mail, letters from Canaris demanding answers, urinalysis reports on Dr.'s Katzenjammer and Mengele, radio intercepts from something only known as Der Area 51. Finally he comes to the local French papers. His eyes fall on the cryptic message in the Reims Advertiser...

Ach Himmel..umm -er! Look at zis Paddy, 'Marie' ist in trouble.

Herr Flick picks up the phone and dials the Reims Advertiser...Cue sneaky spy musik.

"Allo? Allo? Reims Advertiser. Zis ist Herr Flick of sie Gestapo, in sie next addition put in,'At ze Cafe Rene ein tag only, special showink of der Fraulein Madonna by Marie. Danke.'" *click*

Herr Flick dresses and prepares to go to the Cafe Rene in Reims. Cue appropriate travelling musik. Fade to black.

--------
The Scene: Cafe Rene, Reims, a day later.

Enter Stage Left: Herr Flick dressed in baggy overalls and a stylish beret, the head of Paddington bear popping out from his leather bookbag.
--------

"Un vin mer-sie..."

Will Buckmaster of *** be able to decypher the cryptic message? Will Rene recognise Herr Flick despite his clever disguise?? Why is a Gestapo agent carrying around a barely concealed Paddington bear in his leather bookbag??? Stay tuned to find out the answers to these questions and the rearing of the ugly head of many others. Same Jagd time...Same Jagd Channel!


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Buckmaster
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posted 11-01-1999 06:16 AM     Profile for Buckmaster   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post
The waiter nods and exit through the door leading to the kitchen

"E's 'ere- I saw 'le bear, and 'e 'as a barely concealed Boche accent- eet must be 'eem" he says to the cook.

The cook hands the waiter a bottle of wine- there seems to be some faint marks on the label, in addition to the normal salutations to origin and vintage. Some of the writing is faintly underlined, it reads:" Produced in our fine vineyards on the south slopes of the hills surrounding the Vesle river, this unique blend of sun ripened Burgundy and Pinotage grapes brings you the best of early harvest French wines. Not surpassed anywhere in the world. Satisfaction is our policy.

"Here take him this"- the cook peeks through the door at the customer, nods his head- "Yes it's him"- He quickly drops the Chef's hat and rush through the back door to a nearby bicycle.

The waiter takes the wine bottle and a glass to the man with the Paddington bear peeking out of his suitcase.

[This message has been edited by Buckmaster (edited 11-01-1999).]


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Herr Flick of the Gestapo
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posted 11-01-1999 06:42 AM     Profile for Herr Flick of the Gestapo   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post
Her Flick takes the wine bottle and pours some, drinking his eyes fall on the bottle...

Cue dramatic musik...Danke.

"Ahhh mer-sie..." Flick drops some Francs or whatever passes for occupation money these days and saunters outside, stretching and looking at ease, then jumps into his Offical Gestapo Staff Use Only! Mercedes and drives down to the river, over the bridge and to the vinyard.

"Allo? Allo? Herr Buckmaster, ist it really Sie? Vere ist Sie?" He pulls the Paddington from his leather bookbag and waves it about, always alert to the possibility of Maqui abushes is the fearless defender of Law und Ordungs.

Will Buckmaster recognise Herr Flick in his stylish disguise? Will someone notice the Mercedes and try to steal it?? What is the story with the bear anyhow??? Why is there the sound of pounding and muffled pleas for help coming from the trunk of the Official Gestapo Use Only! Staff Car???? For the answers to these and many other questions stay tuned! Same Jagd time...Same Jagd Channel!

[This message has been edited by Herr Flick of the Gestapo (edited 11-01-1999).]


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Buckmaster
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posted 11-01-1999 06:45 AM     Profile for Buckmaster   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post
Will Flick see the young Frenchman in the bushes taking aim at the back of his Mercedes with the stolen Schmeisser?
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Herr Flick of the Gestapo
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posted 11-01-1999 06:53 AM     Profile for Herr Flick of the Gestapo   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post
Appearently not...The dramatic music swells...

"Allo! Herr Buckmaster? Vere ist your hidink platz? OlliOlliOxUndFrei!"

High drama this is...


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Buckmaster
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posted 11-01-1999 06:58 AM     Profile for Buckmaster   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post
Suddenly the relative silence, apart from the noise that Flick was making with all his jumping around and shouting, is shattered by the rapid "BLUUUUURRRTTT" of an automatic machine pistol- the sparks fly off the back of the parked Mercedes, the noise inside the trunk has faded to nothing, except maybe for a sort of spurting sloshing sound.

Who was in the trunk, the world wonders, dramatic Götterdammerung music swells in volume. Don't miss tommorow's exiting episode

[This message has been edited by Buckmaster (edited 11-01-1999).]


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Herr Flick of the Gestapo
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posted 11-01-1999 07:19 AM     Profile for Herr Flick of the Gestapo   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post
Herr Flick immediately dives to the ground, rolling and pulling a Luger from a hidden compartment in his coveralls. He spings effortlessly into a nearby bush and looks for the attacker seeing the holes in the Mercedes trunk his jaw drops.

"Mein Gott!! Mein Offizal Gestapo Staff Uze Only Mercedes!" Tears come to his eyes,"Nien! Nein! Not sie trunken! Ach Himmel!" He squeezes off a few ineffectual rounds that only come close to hitting a passing partidge but also raising the senseless displays of violence on the thread to a more normal level.

The Producers wish to point out that this Moment of Senseless Violence is brought to you by...cue martial sounding jingle..."Krupp Munitions! Relandscaping the prosaic French countryside for nearly a century!"...Cut jingle...Danke.

"Herr Buckmaster? Herr Buuuuckmaster??" Flick fires off a few more rounds some actually hitting the partridge, further raising the senseless violence level of the thread. He peers cautiously at the bullet ridden, now silent, trunk of the Merecedes.

Who was in the Mercedes? Where did that young Frenchman with a captured MP-40 come from?? Why is Buckmaster continuing to hide from Flick??? And will the Autobahn Society fine the Frenchman for vandalizing Endangered quality German auto craftsmanship???? The answers to these and many other spine chilling questions in our next installment. Same Jagd time...Same Jagd channel!

[This message has been edited by Herr Flick of the Gestapo (edited 11-01-1999).]


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Buckmaster
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posted 11-01-1999 10:29 PM     Profile for Buckmaster   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post
The only sound for a while is the "plop" made by the partridge hitting the ground, then gradually some birds start singing in the trees, hiding the squeaking of a rusty bicycle chain fading in the direction of Reims.

The trunk of the car is silent, or is it?

Slowly the volume of noise emanating from the trunk rises… " Oh bollocks, my new flannels- hope old Flick has something for me to wear-- "

Feels around in the trunk, and find Flick's lederhosen and overcoat, which promptly replaces his now soiled Flannels, and the Tweed jacket was due for replacement anyway. Apart from the distinctly British accent, policemen all over the world, are just, well, just that. Maurice now looks very much like a run of the mill Gestapo officer!!

" FLEEECCCKKKK, over here old man, in the trunk, the catch is stuck, can't get it open old man-- I say FLEEECCCKKK !"

Fortunately all Official Gestapo Staff Use Only! Mercedes has standard issue armour plating installed in the boot to prevent shooting in the back by "happy" citizens of the occupied countries- pity about the paint work damage though


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Herr Flick of the Gestapo
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posted 11-01-1999 11:01 PM     Profile for Herr Flick of the Gestapo   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post
Firstly the Producers would like to inform the concerned viewers at home that the partridge is not in fact dead. He is simply pining for the fijords. Having cleared up this point of indisbutable fact we now return you to the EAW Intelligence Community Misadventure Hour. Additonally, nominations for the coveted crown of EAWIC Miss Adventure will be taken after the show. Danke.

Herr Flick rises from his clever hiding place and returns his Luger to the secret pocket of his Offical Gestapo Issue French Happy Worker Disguise. Disgustedly he waves a fist and shakes it in the direction of the squeaking chain noise,"Hoooooogaaaaaan! I vill catch zu rothandet von of zese days!"

Hurredly he rushes to the Mercades and opens the sticking trunk with judicious use of his truncheon. His eyes widen behind his gold rimmed spectacles,"Herr Buckmaster! How did zu get...Vere did zu..."

Cue the SD-Files theme musik! Danke.

Flick seems quite befuddled to find Buckmaster of *** secreted in the trunk of his Offical Gestapo Staff Use Only! Mercedes. But he quickly recovers, the Gestapo trains it's operatives to be quick on the uptake like that,"Herr Buckmaster, I recieved sie meszage to meet du here. And now ve haf met here, alles gut nien? But Ich vas ledt to believe zat du vere already on sie vay back to ***? Vas ist sie meanink of du hangink arount still here in Frankreich?"

How did Buckmaster of *** manage to infiltatrate himself into the trunk of the Gesatpo Staff Use Only! Mercedes? What is Col. Hogan doing in France?? Will Herr Flick's paycheck get docked for damages to the vehicle??? And in the distance is that the sound of a trainwhistle blowing???? All these answers and more our viewers next time! Same Jagd time...Same Jagd channel!


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Buckmaster
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posted 11-01-1999 11:07 PM     Profile for Buckmaster   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post
" Ahh Flick, old man- Sorry about the damage to your nice car- I am sure I can arrange for a replacement Austin to be shipped over- we had to keep the maquis in the dark about our contact, and one of them must have seen this as an opportunity to get rid of the traitor - it's not on for us to be seen working together with the Boche, you know!"

"I say Flick old man, frightfully decent of you to come and help I say", Maurice pauses …. " I suppose it is a bit far-fetched to ask if you could help me to get back to Blighty?, maybe for some form of "token" payment?"

Flick's face remains bland, waiting for Buckmaster to "offer" more, before saying his piece, a trick learned by long experience in interrogation. It pays off- as usual.

" I could offer to try and help with that Vienna case, sorry I had to leave so quickly- had a plane to catch you know-- but that is a long story-- Anything I can help you with that would convince you to give me a chance to get back to Blighty?"


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Buckmaster
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posted 11-01-1999 11:37 PM     Profile for Buckmaster   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post
Back in Paris we find oberleutenant (temporary and acting) Buckmaster going through Gestapo files

"I say Flick, old man- this is terribly confusing- we have this murders at the ReichlabratoriumAufExperimentsDerCukoo RLAEDC- they are into cloning not true?" Cue in theme music from the "Boys from Brazil""Excuse me would somebody turn down that music, I am trying to think!!"Producer- "Sorry", Buckmaster "You're welcome"," and then we have this report on the resurrected Fifi, who does not seem to be quite what she was before, and this Brigitte girl turning up in the Amazon, South Carolina and in Norway- could it be that we are looking at "clones" here?"

"And something else- we have this burnt diary of U. von Broam that keeps on hinting to the existence of one H.K., which sounds suspiciously like Hein Kill in many aspects, and we know that he should be alive, but is not, and yet is?"

"Then we have this area 51, it keeps on cropping up in reports, where is it, and what is a stealth Stuka, and why is Von Broam and Krashnburn working together on the mission, what does Opa have to do with this, and where has this alleged "brother" of Herman come from? And why did some-one try to kill Rommel?"

"I can only think that the only way that we are going to get anywhere is to get C Francisco in for questioning- what do you think- he hinted that he knew more than what he was letting on"

"His Helmut and Shultz was seen at the RLAEDC, and what is the story with the British medal?- I certainly think he is the one to lead us to our man- and what were they loading on the aircraft?"

"Maybe we should get Dudley in and try and question that Rebekah Hendrix VonBroam
at the KrashnBurn Institute of paranormal EAW Related Activities"

"Maybe we need more manpower on this- it is getting big, or shall the two of us handle it?- what do you know that might help"

It has been a long time since the great Buckmaster has been so confused by a myriad of related or unrelated leads- Cue in music from "One who flew over the Cuckoo's nest""Thank you" "You're welcome"

[This message has been edited by Buckmaster (edited 11-01-1999).]


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Buckmaster
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posted 11-02-1999 01:28 AM     Profile for Buckmaster   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post
Advertisement break, Fantastich new katzenjammer und hangover cures available from Karin Hall, please send a SAE to H. G. at Karin Hall (include 25 Deutschmark für shipping und handling) und discover ze Reichsministerium's secret method of been bright und cheerfull ze next day. Developed by experten in Norway. Do not hesitate, kontakt us today, Offer valid if stocks survive the journey

"Now where has Flick and his Helga disappeared to again?" Buckmaster wonders, as he steadily taps his empty pipe on the desk-top in front of him, deep in thought

Has Flick abandoned Buckmaster in the dingy Gestapo office, will he come back to help., or will Buckmaster have to escape from here and try to get back to Britian on his own, Stay tuned


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Buckmaster
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posted 11-02-1999 02:14 AM     Profile for Buckmaster   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post
The small radio in Flick's office suddenly interrupts a scheduled programme- Buckmaster notices this while reading through file after file of Gestapo information:

"Ici Londres, ici Londres. BBC pour la France ...." May we have your attention please. Here are some personal messages: " Les sanglots longs des violons de l'automme." I will repeat that: " Les sanglots longs des violons de l'automme" we continue" Les fleurs sont d'un rouge sombre" and for a special friend " Marie non epouse Fraulein Maddonna" I repeat " Marie non epouse Fraulein Maddonna" and more "Les des sont jetes" Repeat"Les des sont jetes" and finally one more message " Dudley pense a Marie", and once more " Dudley pense a Marie".....ssshhhh.. " ici Londres, ici Londres - we now return you to our regular programme on how to make victory gardens, there will be further messages in one hour"

"Oh Joikes, what now?" Buckmaster wonders


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Herr Flick of the Gestapo
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posted 11-02-1999 02:58 AM     Profile for Herr Flick of the Gestapo   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post
The Agent for the (dubious) Talent that is Herr Flick appologizes for any inconvience, there were technical difficulties of an unstated nature that are now resolved. Danke.

-----
Enter Stage Right: Herr Flick of the Gestapo returns.
-----

Herr Flick returns to his office after having appropriated appropriate Gestapo working uniform, to wit: black fedora, black leather trenchcoat, gold wire rimmed spectacles and hobnailed jackboots. However underneath there may be glimpsed very unauthorized lederhosen.

"Vat ist all zis yellink about Herr Buckmaster of ***? I had to stop und take care of zom very interestink business but now Ich habe return't." Flick sits down at his desk and lights a cigarette, along with also unauthorized FDR Model '38 cigarette holder.

"Now vhere vere ve?" Flick thinks for a moment, then looks up, his eyes widening yet again behind his wirerims.

Cue dramtic musik! Danke.

"Klones? Vhat ist zis...Klonink? Some sekret projeckt auf vitch Ich haben't been kept given sie informatzion about?" Flick ponders this and then starts ticking off fingers,"Zo ve habt Herr Rommel, Herr Kill, zese Frankish vimen, zen ve add to der mix Herr Francsico sie defecktor to sie RAF und zis mysterische Area 51...Oy vey..." Herr Flick coughs,"Ach Himmel(er) Ich am thinkink zat ve vill be needink addizional Mannpower fur zis one. Vhat das du think Herr Buckmaster?"

Dramatik closeup of Herr Flick as thunder crashes outside the window...

"Vie must be gettink zie KrashundBurn Inztitute of Paranormalisch EAW Activitize involved in sie case Ich am thinkink...Interestink indeed..." Herr Flick muses, he ponders, he strikes a melodramatic pose and shouts,"Find me Herr Catchemfaster mact schell! Ve need his experten skills fur siz von!"

Will Inspector Dudly Catchemfaster arrive in time to aid the Dysfunctional Duo? What exactly were the nature of these so-called 'techinal difficulties'?? What is the meaning of the cleverly worded radio code??? And will someone take off that endless loop of the SD-Files Theme Musik???? For the meaning behind these and many more schocking events stay tuned! Same Jagd time...Same Jagd channel!!

[This message has been edited by Herr Flick of the Gestapo (edited 11-02-1999).]


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Buckmaster
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posted 11-02-1999 03:13 AM     Profile for Buckmaster   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post
"Flick old man, where the hell have you and that Floozy Helga been all morning- You had me quite worried- Any way, I tried to contact Dudley, no response so far, and the last report I had from our agent in the Amazon was that he has seen Krashnburn and the Fifi clone down there, bloody slow link though- who is the agent?- took him about five hours to get the message through"

"Do you want to give your Gestapo contacts a try, and I will see what I can dig up through the ***- BTW your fly is open?"


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Herr Flick of the Gestapo
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posted 11-02-1999 03:36 AM     Profile for Herr Flick of the Gestapo   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post
Herr Flick quickly turns and checks his fly, making appropriate adjustments,"Ach Himmel! Vell mein agent zeems to be in league mit Helga und she is...Vell a little on sie 'shrill' side vhen she ist vanting somethink..." The last bit added in a quiet voice so as to fly below Helga's Lichtenstein Radar set. "Zo there haf been very interestinkly timed problems mit mein tranzmitter und other aszorted gear."

Having gotten himself in a more Flicklike state Flick returns to the desk, spreading out a map of the South American continent, he taps his chin as he ponders the map,"Hmmmm der Amazon Baszin. Interestink." Flick looks to Buckmaster of ***,"Ich can habe a Condor ready to go at any time. Vie can fly to Spain, zen to der Canary Islands und then to Brazil." Flick looks up.

Cue the theme musik from 'The Boys from Brazil'...Danke.

"If siz Projeckt Klone ist zomethink that involves all of sie charactzures vie think it does, zen ve vill definately be needing sie backup squad. Any suggesztions Herr Buckmaster?"

The theme from 'The Boys from Brazil' keeps playing the the background, as it is quite a good tune.


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Buckmaster
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posted 11-02-1999 03:50 AM     Profile for Buckmaster   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post
" Well in a bind, Dudley is always a good one to have around- he seems to be in London, according to" stops in mid sentence realising that he has nearly dropped a clanger-"I. er .. I heard a rumour to that effect, but he is not responding to the message I left for him"- We might ask Dr Katzenjammer along to sort out psychological mess- but do you think we need to go to Brazil- is that Brigitte real?- or is the real one still in Norway, and all the guys down there on a wild crocodile chase?"- Buckmaster pauses dramatically- Dramatic pause music plays I honestly don't know, what do you think, I know Rommel would have liked to help, but he is undergoing intensive physiotherapy for his new joystick with that Lorenza Bobbitz from the Vienna Clinic" Play love theme from "An American in Paris"- the others are all copyrighted !!. 'Do you still have some markers out that you can call?"

This thread is continued in http://www.combatsim.com/ubb/Forum24/HTML/000417.html

[This message has been edited by Buckmaster (edited 11-03-1999).]


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